Pictures of Lula's new grave statue along with a couple of new little fern plants. Less than a month until the one year anniversary of my baby's death. I am just a shell of a human being sleep-walking through life. The only thing that I want is gone. I can't let go. I am scared of moving forward. I am scared of getting so far away from my baby. One year is just too long. So long since she was here. I relive every moment she was with me. I am reliving every moment every day. Remembering all of the pain of our loss. Hers and mine. The life we would have had together. My beautiful child, I would have been a good mother to her, I know it. I know that I was a good mother to her. And I still am. I do the best I can, anyway.
Sweet Baby Lula,
I hope you like your new statue. I knew the moment I saw this one that it was perfect. I feel better knowing you have this angel watching over you all the time. I hope you like the little ferns, too. They are sweet and delicate, just like you. Now all we need is a bench out there where I can sit and be with you for as long as I want.
Please hold my hand. Be with me. Mommy love's you more than life. I miss you everyday.
Love,
Me
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